Water Planet

Tuesday, July 17, 2007

Coping and Dealing

Medical checkup today was a waste of time, though can be quite fun at certain point. Haha. I am classified Pes A.

Kbox last Sunday was hell lot of fun. Yaoxian suggested calling Shone along. All thanks to May Lwin, we had 7 and a half hours of K for 13 bucks! Is that great or is that great?! LOL. Anyway, proved yx wrong that I could sing better than he thought. At a point of time we were just so high la! Jumping around in the room screaming into the mic! LOL The little went-about when Shone thought that May Lwin’s poly friends of the gender across the street were so c*** and went about his much too exaggerated craze…I told yx to contains his impending excitement as I knew exactly how those girls look like…too bad Shone didn’t buy me and yx was in for a “big fat” shock later. Getit? LOL
Anyway I thought that yx’s rendition of Guardian Angel was so much better than then HJY lor! We practically K-ed till we were drained that day man… so fun and VALUE-WORTHED la…LOL

On another note, my results are damn disgusting. Utterly disappointed lor. Really don’t know what to do sia…HAIX. With the A’s 105 days away, I should be starting the revisions liao. Night study…here I COME!

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These few days are rather uneasy. So much on my mind to worry about and so much things to deal with…
School is tough as it is already, as if the aftermath of the mid-years aren’t worrying enough, the tutors are wrecking our nerves with the many tests and mock papers and not resting until they keep us in school till late each evening. Real demanding sia As…

Finally let go of NP commitments le. Just sent an email to the officers and other instructors last night. Good also la, then no need to worry so much, giving me a reason to just forget all about NP and the responsibilities for a while.
I am even beginning to wonder if I should even go for the Inter-Area Shooting Com for CIs this Saturday, and the ATC this coming August…with how my mother is strongly discouraging me, I am also contemplating giving them a miss. But it looks like the area is short of manpower for the ATC leh…then not helping doesn’t make me look good you know. Another big SIGH.

I don’t wonder why I detest so many people at the sight or just get easily irritated by anybody. Sometimes it may just be that they caught me in a foul mood, or they are carrying things too far. I have a right to my beliefs and thoughts and I do not need anybody telling me what to do. If you know me well enough, I think you can somehow understand what I am like. I have my own judgment which serve me well and I do not like people behaving like they know what I ought to be doing, saying, thinking or anything of the sort, and keep on imposing their ideas on me. Just don’t catch me on a foul mood. If you really mean well, somehow I would know it, or I believe in your truest sincerity, would be able to convince me. But somehow, I just loathe people going beyond my limits and trash whatever little hey have around.
I realize that often, I treat people the way they treat me, or how much regard I hold for the person. If you find me snubbing you and all, there is something about you that totally puts me off, or of course you may had caught me on the wrong day. If you find yourself in my good books, chances are I find you a really great friend.
I don’t care how people look at me, just as long as my friends don’t get the wrong idea. You can call me a loser, an introvert, a sucker or anything…but that’s not gonna change anything in me, cos I don’t give a damn how people see me. I believe that often we don’t need to explain ourselves – our enemies won’t believe it and our friends won’t need it.

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I am having this problem now…it is like a well of much doubts. Loads of questions. Loads of uncertainty. I try to avoid them most of the time, but just can’t seem to drive them out of the head completely. There are some self-reproaching as well, kinda blaming myself for certain things. I try very hard not to read too much into things but events that occur before my eyes always force me back to those thoughts. It is really time to get out of it.

Xuewei wrote this on her blog. After reading it, lots of thoughts ran through my mind, relating to the situation that I am also trapped in.

“Now, if one day i wake up and find myself being locked inside my house, i can picture myself doing/not doing certain things.
1. i wont look out of the apartment screaming "hello, i need some help here".
2. i wont call up a locksmith, even though they should be the best people to provide the service.
3. i wont answer the door if somebody's out there shouting, "hello, do you need any help?"
4. i wont call up my friends or my family if they are at work.
5. i will continue sitting at home, perhaps throughout trying to remain calm.
6. i will try to pick the lock myself.
7. i will pretend that nothing has happened once i manage to get out of the house.
8. i will talk about the incident to a friend in a joking manner.

Now, let's say i switch the situation from being locked in the house to being trapped in a situation.”

Getit?

Anyway, it seems to me like the situation I’m in now with all these hiccups from the less than desirable results to the extra terrestrial doubts in my mind, requires coping and dealing with. I need to learn to cope with all these situations with or without help and deal with them. It is really no point complaining about them though I do it sometimes. Ya, I know it is tough, but I must cope and deal with them.

mE posted at 4:00 PM