Water Planet

Friday, April 13, 2007

I Am So Confused

Finally got to doing something I wanted to three days ago. I should say it was such a risk. Full of uncertainty and doubt. Well, to a certain extent, I think I was a little worried as well.

Tuesday was the second attempt, I actually tried on Saturday I think. Didn't know why, was suddenly overwhelmed with the feeling that I need to do something about it. Wasn't even sure if I was clear-headed at that time. But when I tried, was kinda scared a little. In the end it was a flop. Was not in the least confident at all.

It had been quite some time. Nearly three months. Haha. Thinking back, I am not even sure if this is a good or a bad thing. But if it were a year back, I would be absolutely sure. Well, things change right?

Probably not all, some still remain the same. I'm not too sure bout me actually.

But anyway, Tuesday attempt was way surprising. I didn't know what to do initially. But I told myself...Count to three and do it! Do not think back. Well, I didn't really want to expect what results I would reap. Yeah...abit scared.
But in the end, it was kinda positive. But I don't know. I was thought to be a little wierd that day. Kinda quiet. That was because I didn't know what to say, what to expect. I don't want to screw up again.

Then, I've been telling myself to tread with restrain. Cos you won't know what would happen. I really wonder if this should be the stance I should be taking, cos it sound so distrustful. But I really am not sure. I don't know what to expect.

I tried to manage my expectations. But there is always this sort of expectance I have withinwhich i am trying very hard to quell. I wanted things to go back to what they used to be. But I have to manage that expectation. Cos I can't be selfish right?

Anyway, I really don't know. I took the initiative to do it. Do I continue this initiative? Or do I wait for a response? Do I just continue the way things are now? Or attempt to change them for the better? I am so confused.

mE posted at 10:00 AM