Water Planet

Thursday, January 04, 2007

2006 Reflections

When everything is gone, you can only look back. Looking back on the year and those days, it does feel really funny. So much things had happened, so much had been done. So much had been accomplished, so much had been lost. It's really true when they say that you win some, you'll lose some.

I don't want to be a pessimist but 2006 was really a lousy year for me.

It actually had a pretty good start though. One which started with a BANG.

The year was started with me patching up with long lost friend. It felt pretty nice to get things going again after how they were so bad before.
Three of SD went to NY together. I so love orientation. With all the enthusiasm and fun. I remembered that for the first few days, Osborne, long lost friend and me would go to Burger King in Toa Payoh after Orientation ends each day. Some days we would even try out the Superstar dance at secret place.
I thought patching up with long lost friend was indeed a great way to start the year. We started talking and hanging and went for dinner and such. But I can't remember how things turn for the worse again. Good thing I still have Borne in NY.

The third day of our Orientation was at Sentosa. I remember that it was then that I started to be really high and had fun and such. It was there where I got to know one of the best friends I ever had.
There is a scene etched in my mind when we were at the beach with OG7. As usual, the boys were standing at one side while the girls at the other. Our OGL were in the middle. Then they asked for a cheer. Oh yeah...it was Yaoxian and me who were really cheering our lungs out. After that, I started talking to him and realised that he was from NP as well! hahax. Oh yeah, there was also the Pizza lunch where we were sitting in a cirle. Lolx. So much memories from Orientation!
Met many nice people at Orientation as well. There were Huimin, Sharon, Xueni, Jessica, and many others.

I can't say how glad I am that the gang is still together! Really! I can be like jumping for joy that we are still hanging. it's really nice that we all take the effort to meet up for dinner and stuff. Though we didn't do much this year, like the chalet we once went for together, it was still great. We had the belated Christmas at Seoul Garden followed by the mouth trembling Golden Flower Curse. I just can't get tired of you guys!
This bunch of people that I have known 5 years ago and have stuck with together ever since. Let's stay this way for many more christmas to come.
Oh yeah! Jess's birthday coming soon right...I'm looking forward to the legal girl to get us some really real alcohol. haha.

Became a Cadet Inspector in June. This is one of my greatest achievement this year. The motivation and passion that kept me going. I was so inspired. I wanted the unit to soar to greater heights. I want to see my squad as NCOs. Ms Fauziah had taught so many inspiring lessons as well. Was really motivated by Yaoxian as well. hahx. You have the calibre of a good NP officer...really a great pity that you aren't a CI.
I think I'm addicted to NP. Had been spending far too much time on it then I should be. Kind of neglected the academics. Which brings me to my next point.

It really sucks to fall from grace. Wondered what came into me whe I started to skipped those lessons and lectures. It really is pretty scary when you know that youre behind everything signle thing the others are doing. The feeling I got before exams are undescribable. Never felt this way before and was very uncomfortable with it. Yeah...scary is the word.
Suddenly it's like all the teachers detest me, and I'm often the one that gives the wrong answers in class. The tutors never fail to identify me as the person who habitually hand up assignments late. I swear those failing marks on my scripts are hard to bear.

I don't know what happened that makes me turn back so easily. I want to do something but feel like giving up suddenly. Strange. That's the way it was with the Council. Did everything I could to get out of it. Met the principal thrice. Got teachers getting really fed up with me. During those times, it felt that I was the cause of every single trouble. Felt so worthless.
Then it was the same with ODAC. I was officially dismissed. A nice word for kicked out. Suddenly i don't belong anywhere. I was the troublemaker for everyone. Haix. Those times really suck.
With the pressure of the council and the belittling from ODAC, coupled with my failed grades for the Mid-years. I totally broke down. Actually cried that time...a little. Felt so trampled.

I am also able to boast of the virulent relationship I have with my family. Sometimes get really jealous how my friends have parents that send them to school, who ate together with them and all those crap. There were those months when I just wanted to stay away from home. I hate to go home. Would only return early enough for me to bathe and sleep.
Hahax. I fought. My father hit me I hit him back. He pushed me, I kick him back. I really hate him. Lolx. really found it ironical that I get home those days to get the wounds on my arms.Though superficial they were, they inflict pain enough to make me feel so bad inside.

And as if that wasn't enough, I fell out with one of my friends. Didn't thought that it would happen given that we had only known each other for the few months but it felt like we had been friends for so long.
Didn't get to have lunch and dinner together then, didn't get to study together again, didn't get to hang out, didn't get to sit together during lectures. It became so bad that it was even difficult to say a few words to the person whom I could even rant at without any hesitation before.
When it happened, it felt so funny. Yeah, funny. Can't find a better word. It felt even funnier seeing him the time with others which he had previously spent hanging with me.

Also realised what a pain I was. I've got the first person glaring at my eyes as if he can't wait to kill. Was bad when I was walked out of. There is still those expressions that I can't forget. Maybe I really sucked bah...anyway it just did not feel that nice inside. Trying hard to act as if nothing happens when you know that it pricks. Just have to hold your composure.

But then again, it may be because of these pitfalls and trips, that I've learnt and perhaps grown. I got back my trampled confidence. Recoverde my self-belief. I learnt not to put too much thoughts into certain things. I saw how to manage my expectations about the things around me. I learnt how to make it by myself. Saw through certain people and met new ones. Realised that at the end of the day, the person whom you can really count on is yourself. Yeah. haha. "Fight your own battle" I'll always remember this four words.

I was almost retained. Sucks to be me. I used to be able to tell those who ask of my ersults in school confidently. When friends and relatives ask me how I did for my O'levels I can always tell them that I scored ten points. But all that was in the past.
During the post-promos peiod. Some people asked me how I did. To those closer to me, I have no problem telling them, but can't help feeling bad within. The problem comes when your other classmates or not so close friends ask you how you're doingg. I used to want to avoid it by saying "okay lor". But three days ago, my HO asked me how I did for my promos. I think he roughly knew how I did but was asking anyway. The way I answered, I was grinning with a huge smile, putting it across as if it doesn't affect me at all. So fake lor.

When we received our papers. I knew I had to pass two H2 subjects out of three to make it for promotion. When I got my math and chem, I passed the first with a b and failed the latter. My history was the deciding paper. The moment I saw the 33 on the paper upon a hundred. I knew it was gone. I returned the paper to my teacher without checking and left the school immediately. My only chance was if my form teacher appeals for me. The next few days were hardly easy. Every news that go spreading around in the school worried me. Be it the rumoured adjusted promotional criteria or the percentage of retainees they are having.
On one occasion, I walked out of school alone to the bus stop. Really torn that time. When Yaoxian came to the bus stop to see Jessica off, he brought me news. After Jessica left he told me that one of his friends got a callback from the form teacher and it was about the promotion. Heard that many other teachers are having callbacks as well. he later told me that his friend who went for the callback had good news. I was shattered. I wasn't called by my form teacher. Then he left telling me to take care. When I sat at the bus stop, thinking about what he said, I thought about my teacher's earlier behaviors before me which so uncannily sends the same message. I jsut felt like dying. It's like everything is over. Couldn't take it so I ran all the way home. Really, during that period I was scared. Really scared.
I'm just thankful that I am able to be promoted afterall.

2006 ended with a low note. Besides the point that I did not get to watch the fireworks was that I did not manage to put things right. Haix. Just hoping that 2007 would be a better year ahead.

Wow..this is really long, I'll post my resolutions another time.

mE posted at 1:31 PM