Water Planet

Tuesday, October 17, 2006

I Must Have It

Hmm...it's been a while.

First of all, I want to say "SORRY" to Carolyn for turning down her dinner offer yesterday. Felt really lousy.
I'm assuming only my closer friends have access to this site which makes me feel comfortable enough to say this: Right. I do not know how else to phrase it aptly but to say that I feel like shit. Got back the Promo papers yesterday and I did not make it. I failed to meet the promotional criteria overall.

I don't know how I should be feeling. I don't know what I should be thinking. Such thing has never happened to me before and I swear it was such a blow that robbed the senses out of me. Was kind of numb.
Can I feel sad? Am I allowed to? I don't know... I don't want to be seen as weak again. I don't want to act like a wimpy loser whining about things that can't be undone. But I am really upset.

Then I told myself. Keep the feeling down to yourself. Don't go round like a fucking whiner complaining to your friends about the Promos. I shouldn't be the one bringing the mood down when everyone else is heaving sighs of relief. That would be very selfish, or so I thought.

But I couldn't stand it. I left school straightaway after seeing my history papers. I had no intention to hold a script with 32 marks out of a hundred any longer. Fuck. Took a bus to Toa Payoh Central. Thought of spending some time alone...

Then, received a call from Yaoxian. Called me for dinner at Bishan. I wondered if that was instigated, but thought I shouldn't speculate further. It has really been a while since I ate with him, let alone going out. So for that, I decided to put my results aside and try to enjoy the dinner which I probably so do not deserve.

I wanted to really treasure that time, for I don't know when the next time may come. So I figured that sulking about my results was probably the last thing that I would want to talk about, and pretented that everything was all fine.
Anyway, we went to Sakae. Initially thinking they had a dinner buffet, in the end they didn't have it.

Well, inside the restaurant, we were making last minute decisions before placing the orders. We weren't really sure if we still wanted Sakae without its dinner buffet. Yeah, then we thought we probably would just order a few side dishes and run. Ended up stacking plates and ordering more dons that we had agreed initially. HaHa, Yaoxian even wanted to take the menu out from Sakae...lolx. though it's kinda funny, but I don't see how it can tickle the girls so much that they were pratically laughing their asses off...
Somehow, I don't feel the same. Things are kind of funny. But I will try. I won't want to give it up without a fight.
Had some conversation I thought sounded quite bad. But think i shouldn't put too much thoughts into it.

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You know, there are some people whom just pisses me off so much. it's as if they are born to shit on you and that it is their motto to make life difficult for you. When this people just refuse to disappear from your sight and insist on popping up before you when the last thing you ever wanted was a freaking gorrilla stepping on your foot, it makes you feel as if you aren't gonna survive it.
When dealing with such fucking hypocrites , asses and bastards. You gotta beat them at their own game. You gotta pay them back in their own coin. Make them feel that earth is the worst place for them to be in.
I can't stand such people and almost always, have to put up a facade when facing them. Really can't stand it when the hypocrites in them crawl out to haunt your life. Oh fuck! Save me man...

Anyway, just hope things turn out fine. I really must be promoted and I must have the other thing that I want so badly. Please...

mE posted at 2:21 PM