Water Planet

Monday, September 04, 2006

Pray That I Don't Regret It.

I had made a decision today. It is rather important to me.

Last night, at about ten plus. I received a call from the CIBTC DO6 Coordinator. She invited (that was the word she used) me to join the committee of CI Instructors for the December Course. Then she went on describing how the preparatory period would be like throughout the months of September till December.

The whole idea of being a Cadet Inspector Instructor sounds catchy enough. It was a brand new opportunity to learn more and to experience more. All the hard skills that I may not have mastered, probably even brand new ones that I had never came across before. All the exposure to soft skills and the methodology to pass them on, sounds so attractive. And as if that wasn't enough, I'll get the chance to meet new people. People in the Corps, be it seniors, CIs, FIs, Officers… There is so much that I can learn from their wealth of experience and knowledge. And besides that, I also get to meet the incoming CIs from the various units and there is much more that I can learn there too. All that I can learn, will serve to do me good for myself as a personal development as well as my own unit. And I've heard that it was really a rare opportunity.
Thinking back, it really sounds so stupid to have turn down this precious offer.

I was supposed to have made the decision last night. I took really some time to think it through. I asked opinions from the people I thought of. First person who came to mind was my really good friend. It probably was his NPCC background that made me hold his opinions about NP related stuff with such high esteem. So I called him. Turned out he was exhausted from the hectic day of studying and some LAN. Never mind I thought, and so, I approached others whom I could think of.

Next, I messaged one of my seniors in NP who was a WCI. She told me that these opportunities come rarely and that it was indeed a very good exposure but of course, it comes with its costs as well.

I wanted to ask another CI that was pretty close to me before. But from the tone of his when I called, I guess I might as well give it a pass. Was a little disappointed though.

45 minutes before my deadline, I gave another friend a call. He was from NP before but was not a Cadet Inspector. He was one who was such a pessimist and I was probably going to be dissuaded from joining the Course given his NO NO attitude about NP stuff. To my pleasant surprise, he told me to go for it. With his oratorical and persuasive speech, I was merely lacking a few inches to agreeing. Yeah. Really thankful for him still giving a hoot about my business.

Later on, I asked my mother for her opinion. I was really lost but almost towards agreeing after what my friend told me previously. Upon hearing what my mother have to say, she was merely giving opinions though, cos she never forced me upon doing anything against my wishes, I drew back again. Was really torn.

Then I thought about it. I had really been through a lot this year. I'd changed and become somebody I can hardly even recognize. Had made a lot of wrong decisions this year. And I think that is one huge mental barrier that is preventing me from accepting the offer. I'm so afraid. Really. I am so afraid and fearful. I'm scared I may just make another wrong decision and live to regret it. My seventeenth year of life has been so far, the toughest and the worse. I can't help another mistake.
I can't even pick up the courage to take the risk. I've fallen enough and sustained enough injuries to last me till the end of the year. Battered as I am now, I thought I would rather give up the chance.

Really hope that I do not regret making this decision. It was really a tough choice for me.

mE posted at 6:51 PM